I went through an immensely hard time, I call it Dark Night Of The Soul (and alternately The Wilderness) in which the enormity of the lies we have been fed since infancy imbued within me a despair and bleak fear so profound I couldn’t see how any of us might survive it. My career as a nurse was a further slap in my own face…an awakening that unfolded over decades and finally drove its own stake in its foul heart in 2020, for me.
How do we ever come through this and survive in this world? Excellent question. I am still learning, but invite you to consider what I’ve discovered so far, for your own walk.
Incidentally, I just noticed that either the book cover I chose as my illustration has a typo, or is telling us something – anyone know?
Anyway, back to the point.
I will try to make this reasonably brief.
After our personal events of 2020, I had determined to disavow nursing entirely. I felt this my only option. But, financial hardship and the additional worry it weighed on my recovering family member made it an option I had to reconsider.
Be in this world, but not of this world.
After my wilderness and unloading all my thoughts with all their emotional weight continuously onto the Creator, I began to emerge from that wasteland.
I did return to nursing, but in a different role. Without some monolithic organization staring over my shoulder and making demands on my everyday decisions.
I now use what I know to subtly help to show others, so they might make better decisions themselves. I administer what is ordered, as the family has every right to decide for their own, but when a new problem arises, I might recommend measures they may not have considered before.
I help to alleviate stress and conflict, behavioral patterns such as: aggression, authoritarianism, manipulation, etc and help the young person I care for begin to disengage from ipad addiction to see there is a life beyond that device (a device that initially caused spectacular tantrums, should it cease for even a moment – the patient always has 1, with 2 backups charging at all times and an unknown amount in storage in case of breakage, which has historically occurred due to tantrums). This family is a complex story and no one is doing anything from maliciousness or laziness, nor any negative driver I can discern, the parents are themselves unwell and are coping as best they know how.
I walk a little bit of a fine line, but not really, for who can fault me if I recommend a gentle, natural remedy in place of a pharmaceutical, and it works? Who can fault me when they begin to see a calmer, happier, more peaceful and willingly compliant young lady who is never forced to do anything against her will? Who can fault me when, even one of her live-in mentally challenged family members is doing better and is gaining a peace, as the basic, simple truths I share impacts her spirit?
None of this is a boast, because none of this is me, naturally, before I changed. It is available to us all. I simply share what I have been given.
I hope this encourages you. This world is an insane asylum – become a rock, immovable. Everyone needs a sure landing place. Set your anchor, let others tie on, and show them how to set their own.
Drop of water in an ocean….mustard seed…? Impact the sphere in which you find yourself landed now. Small seeds here and there can create a vast forest. Drops of water form the seas.